by aquaman, May 24, 2009
A few suggestions to begin to effect change
Activism starts at your front door and doesn't stop until it goes full circle and hits your back door. Anyone reading this obviously has Internet access and therefore the most powerful activism tool ever known. Here are a few suggestions on what you can do to effect change.
Get to know your politician, write them a letter a week regarding anything you wish. The important thing is that you participate in your democracy and that those in power know that. you can find your politician at theyworkforyou.com (UK)
Educate yourself with the countless documentaries available online, copy them burn them and distribute them as widely as possible and arrange to discuss them afterwards.
Join social networking sites, start a blog, write poetry,short stories or make videos regarding your views and post them online. Write to your local and national press pointing out falsehoods or misinterpretations in their stories.
Get to know your neighbours, join local community groups and start a group of like minded people with varying skills that along the lines of the transition towns initiative.
Waste no opportunity to discuss the injustices in the world, you may inspire a stranger to action.
Call in to your local radio station and bring up topics that interest you.
This is a little more difficult but would be very effective if everyone did it. Become more personally sustainable, grow your own food, produce your own electricity, use less fossil fuels and purchase more locally produced goods. this would hit the profits of the Trans National corporations hard.
Learn about fractional reserve banking and tell others about it.
Finally its important to say that violence gets you nowhere, the most effective activism is the method that get your message across as pure and unclouded as possible.
I hope this helpsLove and peace to all.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
How TO Tell If a Woman Wants to be Approached
by Hannah Ang, May 24, 2009
Can't pick up the signals?
Women can be quite complicated to read at times. The way they want you to figure out things for yourself instead of just saying out loud what they really want and things like that, since they believe it is much more profound once you have done it yourself. It is quite painful to try and approach a woman, especially when you are getting mixed signals from her. It would come to a point that the guy would wish the woman would be the one who will do the approaching.
That would have been a simpler thing, she comes over and that is it- done! And there would be a more peaceful world for man to live it. Thing is, that is just not the case most of the time. Only a few to none of the women would be willing to put themselves in a position wherein they could possibly be rejected.
So in order to know whether she wants to be approached or not is to look out for her signals, if a woman gives of a certain vibe or signal that she is open to being approached by you. At times, these kinds of signal are obvious, at times they are very subtle and it gets hard to tell. Whatever the case it, you should be able to spot these signals.
If women are into you, the chances of them just saying it is slim to none. They will most likely send out non-verbal signals to the guy and just wait for the guy to make the move.
Signals that are given off by women are not hard to miss. If you do miss the signals, they will just conclude that you are just not interested. Therefore, spotting these signals is important! If they think you jut are not into them, they will just move on to the next guy that will catch their attention, or maybe even the next guy who gives them attention.
There are those women who also give unsubtle and obvious signals like a wink or raise of an eyebrow. She night even pass near you and look you in the eye.
When you are able to spot the signals, approach her with confidence. Move and react to the signals right away. You can not wait around waiting for her to make the first move or make any further obvious signals because she just will not do that anymore. The lady will wait if you are confident enough to go and approach her. If not, she will think she will have to move on to the next guy.
If a woman if not romantically interested in you, it would probably be not a problem for her to approach you first and introduce herself, shake your hand, and move on or get right down to business and not waste time. If otherwise, then she is most likely interested.
Aggressive men are perceived and associated to being strong mates, which is attractive to a woman of course. If you do not make the move, I am close to being definitely sure that you will be written off from her list. So take the chance and make the move yourself. Man up!
Can't pick up the signals?
Women can be quite complicated to read at times. The way they want you to figure out things for yourself instead of just saying out loud what they really want and things like that, since they believe it is much more profound once you have done it yourself. It is quite painful to try and approach a woman, especially when you are getting mixed signals from her. It would come to a point that the guy would wish the woman would be the one who will do the approaching.
That would have been a simpler thing, she comes over and that is it- done! And there would be a more peaceful world for man to live it. Thing is, that is just not the case most of the time. Only a few to none of the women would be willing to put themselves in a position wherein they could possibly be rejected.
So in order to know whether she wants to be approached or not is to look out for her signals, if a woman gives of a certain vibe or signal that she is open to being approached by you. At times, these kinds of signal are obvious, at times they are very subtle and it gets hard to tell. Whatever the case it, you should be able to spot these signals.
If women are into you, the chances of them just saying it is slim to none. They will most likely send out non-verbal signals to the guy and just wait for the guy to make the move.
Signals that are given off by women are not hard to miss. If you do miss the signals, they will just conclude that you are just not interested. Therefore, spotting these signals is important! If they think you jut are not into them, they will just move on to the next guy that will catch their attention, or maybe even the next guy who gives them attention.
There are those women who also give unsubtle and obvious signals like a wink or raise of an eyebrow. She night even pass near you and look you in the eye.
When you are able to spot the signals, approach her with confidence. Move and react to the signals right away. You can not wait around waiting for her to make the first move or make any further obvious signals because she just will not do that anymore. The lady will wait if you are confident enough to go and approach her. If not, she will think she will have to move on to the next guy.
If a woman if not romantically interested in you, it would probably be not a problem for her to approach you first and introduce herself, shake your hand, and move on or get right down to business and not waste time. If otherwise, then she is most likely interested.
Aggressive men are perceived and associated to being strong mates, which is attractive to a woman of course. If you do not make the move, I am close to being definitely sure that you will be written off from her list. So take the chance and make the move yourself. Man up!
Is There Proof of Other Life in the Universe and is Our Government Attempting to Cover It Up?
by hunnybear47, May 24, 2009
This drives into to the possibility of other life forms, and if there is life out there why or government might be covering it up.
There are billions of stars in the universe in which many of those stars have planets orbiting them much like Earth orbits our Sun. For mankind to just say that there is no other intelligent life out there is absolutely absurd and self-centered. Ask this, why Earth? Why would our planet be the only planet out of the entire universe that could sustain life? NASA and several other governments have been trying for many years to find supplementary life in outer space, but have only attained enough information to conclude that some of the other planets could have at one time supported life. So they say!
Over the past several decades there have been numerous accounts of sightings dealing with unidentified flying objects or UFOs. Many people have stepped forward, in spite of ridicule, to tell their stories of UFO abductions. Not all the people that have made reports of these incidents are just every day people. Many have been doctors, police officers, judges, military personal, and even some former astronauts for NASA. Which brings us to the question if some many different people all around the world have had similar experiences how can it not be true? According to our government, Earth has never been visited by any other intelligent life forms. This only leads to yet another question: if UFOs have never been to Earth, then why would NASA continue wasting time and money looking for other intelligent life forms?
According to Joseph Angelo’s book The Extraterrestrial Encyclopedia: Our Search for Life in Outer Spaceon November 16, 1974, NASA beamed a message of friendship to the Milky Way Galaxy using an interstellar radio signal. Angelo claims, NASA has been working on robotics in space these robotics would be used to be sent to other galaxies in outer space to search for intelligent life. According to Angelo, NASA has sent similar robotics to Mars which has identified that Mars at one time could have supported life. Munazza Siddiqui, author of “Do Aliens Exist?”, agrees with the idea of Mars having life at one time. However, in his article Siddiqui takes this idea to the next level. According to Siddiqui, Mars once had fast flowing water which deposited some boulders on the surface of the planet. Siddiqui also claims, that there is a one-mile long carving of a human-like face on the surface of Mars. The presence of ruins of a pyramid and city, much like the ones in Egypt, on Mars strongly suggest that there could have been a connection between Mars and Earth Siddiqui claims with his article. Siddiqui and many of his followers believe that both the pyramids on Earth and on Mars were not built by humans. The best evidence of the link between Mars and Earth according to Siddiqui is in Baalebek, Lebanon, where a huge platform was built in ancient times with stones weighing hundreds of tons which would be hard to duplicate even with modern technology. Mythology links this sacred site with the sun god Helios, who parked his chariot on this platform, Siddiqui’s article claims. These structures and their similarities to the ones on Mars lead to the question whether or not the technology of the gods included space travel.
To elaborate more on the gods being space travelers, I found some useful information on a website called UFOs and the Bible Genesis 6 and Nephilim 101. The unnamed author of this website breaks down different parts of the Bible and translates them. According to the website the word angel in Hebrew means “one going forth” or “one leading”. The unknown author also claims that in Hebrew the word demon is translated to “sons of the mighty”. According to this website when Satan rebelled against God, he cast him as profane from the height of heaven. The site goes on to tell about how because of Satan’s rebellion he was destroyed from the midst of Stones Of Fire, the planets, where he had reigned over physical kingdoms. The website claims that evidence of the civilization on Mars can still be seen, and civilization of B’nai ha Elohim was destroyed, which became the asteroid belt. This website also claims that there is a two face Sphinx amongst the ruins on Mars. Perhaps these claims when looked at one by one are somewhat farfetched, but if you tie this last one in with the others they somehow come together. The site claims that Lucifer or Satan is the most powerful Cherubim, and that the Biblical description of a cherub can be illustrated by a Sphinx. So is it possible that one of the planets Satan reigned over according to the site could have been Mars? If yes, then that would definitely mean the gods were space travelers.
This drives into to the possibility of other life forms, and if there is life out there why or government might be covering it up.
There are billions of stars in the universe in which many of those stars have planets orbiting them much like Earth orbits our Sun. For mankind to just say that there is no other intelligent life out there is absolutely absurd and self-centered. Ask this, why Earth? Why would our planet be the only planet out of the entire universe that could sustain life? NASA and several other governments have been trying for many years to find supplementary life in outer space, but have only attained enough information to conclude that some of the other planets could have at one time supported life. So they say!
Over the past several decades there have been numerous accounts of sightings dealing with unidentified flying objects or UFOs. Many people have stepped forward, in spite of ridicule, to tell their stories of UFO abductions. Not all the people that have made reports of these incidents are just every day people. Many have been doctors, police officers, judges, military personal, and even some former astronauts for NASA. Which brings us to the question if some many different people all around the world have had similar experiences how can it not be true? According to our government, Earth has never been visited by any other intelligent life forms. This only leads to yet another question: if UFOs have never been to Earth, then why would NASA continue wasting time and money looking for other intelligent life forms?
According to Joseph Angelo’s book The Extraterrestrial Encyclopedia: Our Search for Life in Outer Spaceon November 16, 1974, NASA beamed a message of friendship to the Milky Way Galaxy using an interstellar radio signal. Angelo claims, NASA has been working on robotics in space these robotics would be used to be sent to other galaxies in outer space to search for intelligent life. According to Angelo, NASA has sent similar robotics to Mars which has identified that Mars at one time could have supported life. Munazza Siddiqui, author of “Do Aliens Exist?”, agrees with the idea of Mars having life at one time. However, in his article Siddiqui takes this idea to the next level. According to Siddiqui, Mars once had fast flowing water which deposited some boulders on the surface of the planet. Siddiqui also claims, that there is a one-mile long carving of a human-like face on the surface of Mars. The presence of ruins of a pyramid and city, much like the ones in Egypt, on Mars strongly suggest that there could have been a connection between Mars and Earth Siddiqui claims with his article. Siddiqui and many of his followers believe that both the pyramids on Earth and on Mars were not built by humans. The best evidence of the link between Mars and Earth according to Siddiqui is in Baalebek, Lebanon, where a huge platform was built in ancient times with stones weighing hundreds of tons which would be hard to duplicate even with modern technology. Mythology links this sacred site with the sun god Helios, who parked his chariot on this platform, Siddiqui’s article claims. These structures and their similarities to the ones on Mars lead to the question whether or not the technology of the gods included space travel.
To elaborate more on the gods being space travelers, I found some useful information on a website called UFOs and the Bible Genesis 6 and Nephilim 101. The unnamed author of this website breaks down different parts of the Bible and translates them. According to the website the word angel in Hebrew means “one going forth” or “one leading”. The unknown author also claims that in Hebrew the word demon is translated to “sons of the mighty”. According to this website when Satan rebelled against God, he cast him as profane from the height of heaven. The site goes on to tell about how because of Satan’s rebellion he was destroyed from the midst of Stones Of Fire, the planets, where he had reigned over physical kingdoms. The website claims that evidence of the civilization on Mars can still be seen, and civilization of B’nai ha Elohim was destroyed, which became the asteroid belt. This website also claims that there is a two face Sphinx amongst the ruins on Mars. Perhaps these claims when looked at one by one are somewhat farfetched, but if you tie this last one in with the others they somehow come together. The site claims that Lucifer or Satan is the most powerful Cherubim, and that the Biblical description of a cherub can be illustrated by a Sphinx. So is it possible that one of the planets Satan reigned over according to the site could have been Mars? If yes, then that would definitely mean the gods were space travelers.
10 Rules for a Less Than Absurd Marriage
In view of the fact that people getting married these days have to contend with a range of things their parents never even thought of (such as pre-nuptial agreements), I thought it was appropriate to resurrect Rev I. Rhonnigh’s formerly well-known words of wisdom to newly-weds: “10 Rules For a Less Than Absurd Marriage.” I have appended my own comments in parentheses.
Rev Rhonnigh's Rules are as follows:
Always act towards each other in public as though you were distant cousins. [And I don't think he means kissing cousins.]
Expect to be of one mind in everything: read the same books, listen to the same music, play the same games, have the same hobbies. [Done with determination, this will produce a unity of soul unparalleled in the Universe.]
Assume your spouse will fulfil all your needs for friendship. [What else did you marry each other for? ]
Wives, always do everything for your husbands. Husbands, love your wives for it. [Isn't this Scriptural?]
Husbands, there are certain household tasks that are your wife's domain. Leave them to her. Women are more than capable of changing all nappies, cooking all food and staying up all night with sick children. Wives, even though your husband is a wuss at woodwork, incompetent at car maintenance and inept at electrical wiring, leave such jobs to him. God knew what He was doing when He allotted different tasks to men and women.
Keep all personal dreams, aspirations and enthusiasms to yourself; your spouse has enough to think about just being married to you
Never cavort, even in private. [Noel Paul Stookey, of Peter, Paul and Mary fame, tells how he and his wife cavort. This often begins when she throws a glass of cold water over him while he is taking a shower. He then proceeds to chase her through the house - naked. Apart from the possibility of catching a chill, it is most wise of Rev Rhonnigh not to encourage such antics.]
Always treat your children's personal remarks with the utmost seriousness, whatever you may think about them. [The remarks, I presume he means, not the children.]
Never argue in public, in front of children, or your in-laws. [And I might add, in front of the telly, especially if sport is on.] Always be calm about matters on which you disagree. [This will ensure that in time you bury everything of the slightest importance.]
Finally…lovemaking is a serious matter. If the children were ever to hear laughter in the bedroom they might think sex was some sort of joke.
[I realise in these days of feminist theology, liberation theology, freewill theism and the backslider's prerogative that some of these rules may strike readers as a little old-fashioned. But Rev Rhonnigh was happily married for forty years. Admittedly, 35 of those years were spent as a missionary in darkest Africa, where he finally succumbed to the tsetse fly. His wife, meanwhile, stayed home knitting countless woolly vests for the native children, to keep them from catching cold.]
Rev Rhonnigh's Rules are as follows:
Always act towards each other in public as though you were distant cousins. [And I don't think he means kissing cousins.]
Expect to be of one mind in everything: read the same books, listen to the same music, play the same games, have the same hobbies. [Done with determination, this will produce a unity of soul unparalleled in the Universe.]
Assume your spouse will fulfil all your needs for friendship. [What else did you marry each other for? ]
Wives, always do everything for your husbands. Husbands, love your wives for it. [Isn't this Scriptural?]
Husbands, there are certain household tasks that are your wife's domain. Leave them to her. Women are more than capable of changing all nappies, cooking all food and staying up all night with sick children. Wives, even though your husband is a wuss at woodwork, incompetent at car maintenance and inept at electrical wiring, leave such jobs to him. God knew what He was doing when He allotted different tasks to men and women.
Keep all personal dreams, aspirations and enthusiasms to yourself; your spouse has enough to think about just being married to you
Never cavort, even in private. [Noel Paul Stookey, of Peter, Paul and Mary fame, tells how he and his wife cavort. This often begins when she throws a glass of cold water over him while he is taking a shower. He then proceeds to chase her through the house - naked. Apart from the possibility of catching a chill, it is most wise of Rev Rhonnigh not to encourage such antics.]
Always treat your children's personal remarks with the utmost seriousness, whatever you may think about them. [The remarks, I presume he means, not the children.]
Never argue in public, in front of children, or your in-laws. [And I might add, in front of the telly, especially if sport is on.] Always be calm about matters on which you disagree. [This will ensure that in time you bury everything of the slightest importance.]
Finally…lovemaking is a serious matter. If the children were ever to hear laughter in the bedroom they might think sex was some sort of joke.
[I realise in these days of feminist theology, liberation theology, freewill theism and the backslider's prerogative that some of these rules may strike readers as a little old-fashioned. But Rev Rhonnigh was happily married for forty years. Admittedly, 35 of those years were spent as a missionary in darkest Africa, where he finally succumbed to the tsetse fly. His wife, meanwhile, stayed home knitting countless woolly vests for the native children, to keep them from catching cold.]
Friday, March 13, 2009
How to Talk to Someone You've Never Met
Speaking to someone you've never met is easy. The secret is not to get nervous, pay attention and ask questions. You should not wait too long, because if you do, someone else might talk to him first, and then he will be gone. Take a deep breath, think of a good salutation, and go for it!
Steps:
Make eye contact. This is a great way to connect to someone. They know you are interested.
Smile. The law of reciprocity says to give what you want. You will be amazed how many people smile back if you smile at them. Be sure it is a relaxed smile. There really isn't a right or wrong way to smile, so relax.
Say "Hello" or some other greeting. Be a little creative if you like. Specially if you can determine with certainty his/her first language try to greet with that language. "Aloha" and "Guten Tag" are two favorites. Be careful not to make assumptions about an individual's language based solely upon his/her appearance, however, as he could be offended if you guess incorrectly. Be warned that the more creative you are, the more likely they are to not understand you.
Evaluate the situation. If they are not maintaining eye contact with you, did not smile back, or did not respond to your greeting, then they may be otherwise distracted or this may not be a good time. If you will have an opportunity to talk to them soon (i.e. you see them on a regular basis) then you may want to wait. Otherwise continue.
Maintain eye contact and keep smiling, but be relaxed. Maintaining eye contact shows you are interested and intent, and generally everyone likes a smile.
Comment about something mutual: the weather, sports, work (if you work together), your location or situation (stuck in an elevator), traffic, etc. Talk about something you can both relate to, but not too personal. It's a great way to break the ice.
Tell them your name. Again, on the law of reciprocity, if you offer your first and last name then they will typically tell you theirs. But, it's better to start with your first name.
Offer your hand. If you offer your hand, then they will usually shake it.
Ask them a question, especially about Family, Occupation or Recreation (remember what questions are FOR). These are great things to ask questions about if you cannot think of anything else. It is important when asking questions that you are not interrogating them. Most people love to talk about themselves, but if they don't, then don't press them.
Listen to what they say. Remember details. Ask more questions that show you were paying attention.
Get a question in return. Eventually they will probably ask you a question, too (law of reciprocity). This is called a conversation. Answer their questions, but don't get too caught up talking about yourself.
Steps:
Make eye contact. This is a great way to connect to someone. They know you are interested.
Smile. The law of reciprocity says to give what you want. You will be amazed how many people smile back if you smile at them. Be sure it is a relaxed smile. There really isn't a right or wrong way to smile, so relax.
Say "Hello" or some other greeting. Be a little creative if you like. Specially if you can determine with certainty his/her first language try to greet with that language. "Aloha" and "Guten Tag" are two favorites. Be careful not to make assumptions about an individual's language based solely upon his/her appearance, however, as he could be offended if you guess incorrectly. Be warned that the more creative you are, the more likely they are to not understand you.
Evaluate the situation. If they are not maintaining eye contact with you, did not smile back, or did not respond to your greeting, then they may be otherwise distracted or this may not be a good time. If you will have an opportunity to talk to them soon (i.e. you see them on a regular basis) then you may want to wait. Otherwise continue.
Maintain eye contact and keep smiling, but be relaxed. Maintaining eye contact shows you are interested and intent, and generally everyone likes a smile.
Comment about something mutual: the weather, sports, work (if you work together), your location or situation (stuck in an elevator), traffic, etc. Talk about something you can both relate to, but not too personal. It's a great way to break the ice.
Tell them your name. Again, on the law of reciprocity, if you offer your first and last name then they will typically tell you theirs. But, it's better to start with your first name.
Offer your hand. If you offer your hand, then they will usually shake it.
Ask them a question, especially about Family, Occupation or Recreation (remember what questions are FOR). These are great things to ask questions about if you cannot think of anything else. It is important when asking questions that you are not interrogating them. Most people love to talk about themselves, but if they don't, then don't press them.
Listen to what they say. Remember details. Ask more questions that show you were paying attention.
Get a question in return. Eventually they will probably ask you a question, too (law of reciprocity). This is called a conversation. Answer their questions, but don't get too caught up talking about yourself.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Ways To Improve Your Social Prospects Before You Try Meeting Anyone
Draw on your current contacts
This won't apply to people who have just moved to a new area and don't know anyone, but often you'll already have the seeds of a social life around you. You don't necessarily have to go out and meet ten strangers to have one. It's a lot easier to start turn existing contacts into full-fledged friends than it is to meet new ones.
There are probably a handful of people you already know who could end up becoming part of a new social circle. I'm talking about people like:
Acquaintances you're friendly with when you run into each other, but who you never see otherwise.
People at work or in your classes who you get along with.
Friends of people you know who you've gotten along with.
Someone who has shown an interest in being your friend but you never really took up the offer.
People you very occasionally hang out with, who you could see more.
Friends you've gradually lost contact with who you could call up again.
Siblings and relatives close to your age.
You just have to take the step of doing more social activities with them than you usually do. More on that below.
Meet some new people
Getting more out of your current relationships can go along way, but it doesn't always work. Sometimes you're at a point where you need to meet entirely new people. Not having easy access to potential new friends is a big barrier for many people in creating a social circle. I go into more detail here: Places And Ways To Meet New People.
Overall, I'd say the easiest things to do are:
Meet one or two cool people and then get to know all their friends. If you hang out with fifteen people, you shouldn't have to have met them all individually.
Having a specific interest you want to build your social circle around and then actively seeking out others who share it. This can be as simple as joining a team or club (which you'd want to do anyways, just to take part in your hobby).
Being in a situation where there are lots of your peers around and then getting to know some of them through your day-to-day interactions. Work and school are the two big ones.
Do your best to accept every invitation
If someone invites you to do something, then you should go. Why turn down a free chance to get out there with people?
If you're more of an shy or solitary person it's easy to mull over the invitation and rationalize that it won't be that fun and that you don't want to go. Ignore those thoughts and go anyways. You never can be sure how fun something will be until you show up and see how it is for yourself.
Sometimes you'll have to inconvenience yourself for the sake of your social life. You may get invited to a movie you don't particularly want to see, or someone might call you up on Friday evening as you're about to go to bed, asking if you want to go out. Whenever you have two or more people in the equation, you're going to have to compromise sometimes. Again, just being out there outweighs these minor annoyances.
Invite potential friends to do something with you
Ask the people you get along with to hang out. Give them a call, or ask them if you see them around in person. Invite them to go out to do something (See: Activities People Do When They Hang Around Each Other for some really basic thoughts on this topic).
This is the most important step in my experience. You can meet all the people you want, and they can think you're great, but if you don't take any actions to do something with them in the future, then you won't form many new relationships. People will stay as the guy you talk to in class, or the girl you chat to at work in the break room.
This is basic stuff, but lonlier people often hit a wall here. There may be someone they joke around with at work, or chat to in one of their classes, but they won't take the step of inviting them out and taking the relationship to the next level.
If you hit it off with someone get their contact information
If you meet someone cool don't assume that you'll run into them again. Get their phone number or maybe their email address. If you're shy this may take a small amount of nerve the first few times, but it's one of those things that ceases to seem like a big deal at all once you're used it. You can also get used to the odd rejection quite quickly. Also make sure people have your contact info in case they ever want to invite you along somewhere.
Have a basic grasp of how to make plans
Depending on what works for you, you may want to do something one-on-one with someone or go out in a larger group. If you know a bunch of people, plus your potential new friend, are going to do something anyways, you can also ask if you can come along.
Making plans can be tedious and unpredictable at times. Try your best to get used to it. It personally helped me to accept this wasn't a situation where I could perfectly control and arrange everything ahead of time. I had to come to peace with the uncertainty of trying to organize something with one or more other people.
If inviting people out and arranging plans all seems like a big hassle, it also probably feels that way for them at times. They shouldn't always have to step up and organize things for you. Do some of the lifting yourself at times.
How to Make Friends And Get a Social Life
Getting a social life isn't as complicated as it may seem, although it can require some patience. The thing is that most people make and keep friends without really thinking about how they do it. They just picked up the skills automatically as they grew up. If you've always been more of the shy, loner type than you'll probably appreciate some pointers.
Basics to have covered:
Pretty much any one can have a group of friends if they want to. You more or less need to have these broad factors in order though. People who have trouble making friends often go wrong somewhere here:
A fairly decent personality and social skills
This one's obvious. The more rewarding you are to be around, the more easily you'll make friends. You can be far from perfect though. Even people who most of us would consider annoying often have a social network.
Knowledge about how to make friends
That's what this article will cover. Most people have this knowledge instinctively. I had to piece it together bit by bit, even the stuff that seems really obvious.
Enough guts to invite people out fairly easily
This one has held me back personally. I'd want to invite someone out, but I'd always have some reason to decide against it. I was hardly a nervous wreck, but I'd be just slightly anxious enough that it would make the different between inviting someone out and not.
Enough internal desire to have a group of friends
Some people want a group of friends in theory, to ease their feelings of loneliness, but at the same time they're a little indifferent to the concept. Some of us aren't as naturally social as others. When your whole heart isn't into the idea of having a group of friends, your efforts can stall out, or be very start and stop.
You like other people
Seems too obvious to write, but I used to be quite negative towards other people. I always had a reason to not want to be friends with someone. I've read lonely people in general tend to be a little more harsh in their judgments of others.Here are my thoughts on how to get a group of friends together:
Don't be too hard on yourself over your current lack of friends
That's easier said than done of course. It's not totally rare for someone to have to start from zero. People who move to a new area have to do it all the time. People who get out of long term relationships, or who outgrow their current social circle also commonly have to rebuild their social circles.
Get an outside life on your own
You don't have to be a hermit while you're pulling your new social life together. Go see some live music, go check out the local bars and have a drink or two by yourself, go see some stand-up comedy, go to a sports bar and watch the game, start going to a rock climbing gym, take some classes, if you're in college then join some associations and clubs, walk around interesting neighborhoods, go to any interesting local events advertised in the paper, if you're going to read or play on your laptop you might was well go to a coffee shop to do it, etc., etc., etc.,
Doing these things will take the edge off of any loneliness and boredom you may feel. They'll will also fill your head with knowledge of things to do and places to go when you are hanging around people. Also just being in situations where there are people around, even if you're not interacting with them all that much, gives you some of the feelings of having a social life. And through doing all these activities there are plenty of chances to actually meet people too of course.
Basics to have covered:
Pretty much any one can have a group of friends if they want to. You more or less need to have these broad factors in order though. People who have trouble making friends often go wrong somewhere here:
A fairly decent personality and social skills
This one's obvious. The more rewarding you are to be around, the more easily you'll make friends. You can be far from perfect though. Even people who most of us would consider annoying often have a social network.
Knowledge about how to make friends
That's what this article will cover. Most people have this knowledge instinctively. I had to piece it together bit by bit, even the stuff that seems really obvious.
Enough guts to invite people out fairly easily
This one has held me back personally. I'd want to invite someone out, but I'd always have some reason to decide against it. I was hardly a nervous wreck, but I'd be just slightly anxious enough that it would make the different between inviting someone out and not.
Enough internal desire to have a group of friends
Some people want a group of friends in theory, to ease their feelings of loneliness, but at the same time they're a little indifferent to the concept. Some of us aren't as naturally social as others. When your whole heart isn't into the idea of having a group of friends, your efforts can stall out, or be very start and stop.
You like other people
Seems too obvious to write, but I used to be quite negative towards other people. I always had a reason to not want to be friends with someone. I've read lonely people in general tend to be a little more harsh in their judgments of others.Here are my thoughts on how to get a group of friends together:
Don't be too hard on yourself over your current lack of friends
That's easier said than done of course. It's not totally rare for someone to have to start from zero. People who move to a new area have to do it all the time. People who get out of long term relationships, or who outgrow their current social circle also commonly have to rebuild their social circles.
Get an outside life on your own
You don't have to be a hermit while you're pulling your new social life together. Go see some live music, go check out the local bars and have a drink or two by yourself, go see some stand-up comedy, go to a sports bar and watch the game, start going to a rock climbing gym, take some classes, if you're in college then join some associations and clubs, walk around interesting neighborhoods, go to any interesting local events advertised in the paper, if you're going to read or play on your laptop you might was well go to a coffee shop to do it, etc., etc., etc.,
Doing these things will take the edge off of any loneliness and boredom you may feel. They'll will also fill your head with knowledge of things to do and places to go when you are hanging around people. Also just being in situations where there are people around, even if you're not interacting with them all that much, gives you some of the feelings of having a social life. And through doing all these activities there are plenty of chances to actually meet people too of course.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
