How to Make Friends And Get a Social Life

Getting a social life isn't as complicated as it may seem, although it can require some patience. The thing is that most people make and keep friends without really thinking about how they do it. They just picked up the skills automatically as they grew up. If you've always been more of the shy, loner type than you'll probably appreciate some pointers.



Basics to have covered:
Pretty much any one can have a group of friends if they want to. You more or less need to have these broad factors in order though. People who have trouble making friends often go wrong somewhere here:

A fairly decent personality and social skills
This one's obvious. The more rewarding you are to be around, the more easily you'll make friends. You can be far from perfect though. Even people who most of us would consider annoying often have a social network.

Knowledge about how to make friends
That's what this article will cover. Most people have this knowledge instinctively. I had to piece it together bit by bit, even the stuff that seems really obvious.

Enough guts to invite people out fairly easily
This one has held me back personally. I'd want to invite someone out, but I'd always have some reason to decide against it. I was hardly a nervous wreck, but I'd be just slightly anxious enough that it would make the different between inviting someone out and not.

Enough internal desire to have a group of friends
Some people want a group of friends in theory, to ease their feelings of loneliness, but at the same time they're a little indifferent to the concept. Some of us aren't as naturally social as others. When your whole heart isn't into the idea of having a group of friends, your efforts can stall out, or be very start and stop.

You like other people
Seems too obvious to write, but I used to be quite negative towards other people. I always had a reason to not want to be friends with someone. I've read lonely people in general tend to be a little more harsh in their judgments of others.Here are my thoughts on how to get a group of friends together:

Don't be too hard on yourself over your current lack of friends
That's easier said than done of course. It's not totally rare for someone to have to start from zero. People who move to a new area have to do it all the time. People who get out of long term relationships, or who outgrow their current social circle also commonly have to rebuild their social circles.

Get an outside life on your own
You don't have to be a hermit while you're pulling your new social life together. Go see some live music, go check out the local bars and have a drink or two by yourself, go see some stand-up comedy, go to a sports bar and watch the game, start going to a rock climbing gym, take some classes, if you're in college then join some associations and clubs, walk around interesting neighborhoods, go to any interesting local events advertised in the paper, if you're going to read or play on your laptop you might was well go to a coffee shop to do it, etc., etc., etc.,
Doing these things will take the edge off of any loneliness and boredom you may feel. They'll will also fill your head with knowledge of things to do and places to go when you are hanging around people. Also just being in situations where there are people around, even if you're not interacting with them all that much, gives you some of the feelings of having a social life. And through doing all these activities there are plenty of chances to actually meet people too of course.